I was mystified how Railway Union, with so many good players, had managed to get themselves relegated from Section A last year, so I thought I'd go up to Milverton on Saturday to find out if I could answer that question and the other, more important one, will they go up again this year?

The Hills won the toss and inserted Railway, quickly benefiting from early movement when a Luke Clinton off cutter found Kenny Carroll's leg stump. But that was last bit of good cheer for the Wilberries for quite a while. Tom Fisher batted carefully (too carefully?) and Conor Mullen expansively (too expansively?) to put together a fifty partnership.

The brothers Clinton had given way to the pro and the senior pro, but after three half-decent overs Matt Dwyer's thing muscle went. The good news was that a younger, prettier Dwyer was called up to bowl, and he immediately induced a poor shot from Conor Mullen, who holed out for 31. The bad news was that a slightly younger and equally ugly Dwyer got the call to sub field.

To save us that fate, Railway agreed that Albert van der Merwe, development officer and for some baffling reason ineligible to play for The Hills because he's a pro (who isn't?), could field, and the umpires insisted, quite correctly, that the laws be adhered to and he should not be seen to be captaining the side. But think about it. For a start, that's an insult to Luke Clinton, and second, he was replacing Matt, so it should be mandatory for him to captain the side! To continue last week's literary allusions, Tom Sharpe writes funny novels, two of them satirising South Africans, and Mary Sharp writes funny regulations, some of them affecting the same poor, put-upon South Africans.

Anyway, skipper Trent Johnston clubbed three fours, and looked good until he diverted an innocuous delivery from his oppo via inside edge, pad and boot onto his stumps. This brought in Trent #2, Copeland from Sydney St. George, who took a liking to The Hills second and third line spinners. With Fisher he progressed the score to 185, when he edged one behind for 47 off 50 deliveries.

I hadn't seen Fisher bat before, and he plays good shots to balls slightly overpitched and just short of a length, but give him a full toss or a long hop and he pats it to a fielder. He'll never score a run against Belvo. He reached 50 out of 116 in the thirty-first over, and after a second caught behind, a good one, he was joined by Saad Ullah. The two made it 229/5 off 45, with Fisher 89* and Saad Ullah 25* off 8 deliveries. The Clintons returned 2/34 (Luke) and 0/27 (Joseph); the others 3 for lots and lots off their 28 overs.

The Hills got off to a dreadful start in the face of some good bowling from Copeland and some allsorts from Mohammed Tariq. Jeremy Bray and Patrick Byrne threw their wickets away, and Copeland scattered Joseph Clinton's wickets to make it 29/3. Max Sorensen and Michael O'Herlihy batted well, ably assisted by Ernie Extras, taking the score to 80. Then Michael, lacking the benefit of the family brain cell (Anne hadn't yet arrived with it), failed to recognise an easy three, and was run out. That was that. Sorensen made 30, Luke Clinton 15 and Darren Byrne 14*, Emmet Branagan failed to recognise that a two wasn't a three and ran himself out without facing.

Of the 118/9 off 29.4 overs (Matt didn't bat), Copeland took 2/19 off 7, Carlo Rendell 2/24 off 7.4 and Gurab Singh 2/26 off 8. Railway to be promoted, being replaced by The Hills unless they significantly liven themselves up.

On Sunday I attended another section A v B clash, this time in the Park between Phoenix and Rush. The Russians had first dig, and Dan van Zyl decided he wasn't going to hang around to find out if the pitch was any good. He boxed 62 out of 80/2, having run out Fintan McAllister and survived a catch behind to Graham Flanagan, who had an absolute ‘mare behind the stumps.

After that, Saadat Gull hung around for the rest of the innings for 49*, getting real assistance only from Niall Mullen, who contributed a combative 31before skying a catch to Rory Flanagan. Judging by the conversation that took place while the ball was in the air, Niall would have been out even if Rory had dropped it. Lee Metcalfe couldn't get anywhere near Dave Langford-Smith: somebody suggested sending out an iPhone to see if Lee would have more luck finding Lanky on the internet.

Rush's 194/9 was 20 short of a good score. Langford-Smith took 1/33, Conor Kelly 2/32, Rory Flanagan 1/28 and Kent Edwards exploited the variable bounce in the middle of the pitch for 1/44. We spent most of the tea interval printing out a rainforest's worth of Duckworth/Lewis tables of ball-by-ball par scores. Why do we need ball-by-ball tables: so the umpires can decide exactly when to come off the field when it's lashing with rain? Who makes up these regulations?

Despite a very well-made fifty by Rory Flanagan, Phoenix were never at the races: there was a rally from 56/5 to 108 as Rory (54) found a worthy partner in Paddy Conliffe (21), but Lanky will have to learn to run a lot faster if he's to convert noughts into ones. Thereafter Graham Flanagan set about the Russians for 28 (did nobody tell him you don't drive Naz for six?) to take the score to 159 all out.

Gull took 3/22, Mullen 2/35, Metcalfe 2/25 and Dan van Man 0/17 with nine overs of his straightbreaks. On this showing, Phoenix will stay in section B, but shouldn't be joined by Rush, whose pro has yet to arrive (but will he be allowed to play? - if not, they can always call on Albert van der Merwe - true - it‘s in the regulations!) and who in Dan, Tipu, Naz and Shahid have four bloody good cricketers.