I would like a new board game for Christmas. No, forget that idea. Board games are what you do with your family when you are bored, hence the name. What I want for Christmas is a new game. Ideally it would be available for the Playstation, Xbox 360 and the PC. I would call it Ulster Cricket Manager.

Inside, you could choose to play in the North West or the NCU and decide whether you wish to start in any division or manage a team in the top flight. The aim of the game would be quite simple. Meet the aspirations of the committee with the limited amount of funds available. Your success is judged by how well you meet those goals. Your budget must cover all necessary capital equipment, tractors mowers, covers, sight screens and Governing Body levies and fees. If you have anything left you can decide whether you spend your money on Youth Development or on ‘persuading' players to join your club by paying them to do so. During the course of the season your squad will be affected by form, injuries, holidays, Sunday and Friday rearrangements, suspensions and players huffing over selection. You will have to cope with disruptive players who are disgruntled over their non selection, and players who want to play but can't get off work. You will have to deal with people who turn up late for practise or don't turn up at all. You will have to ensure that all the tasks are carried out like returning match cards and reports to the paper, ensuring the pitch is prepared, the crease and the inner circle marked and the boundary in place. You will have to ensure the teas are sorted and you have a scorer available. You will have to make sure that you and your players understand the ridiculous amount of different rules you play under for each competition and that the laptop, printer and paper are available for Duckworth/Lewis in case there is a rain deduction.

Once you get on to the match mode you have to decide your batting order, (and possibly deal with more player huffing) and who to bowl and when. Sometimes it won't make a difference what you decide to do because the game has computed that Hasan Raza is getting a double hundred today. Almost certainly in most games you will benefit and suffer from some horrendous umpiring decision and hope that it won't affect the outcome, when you know in your heart, it will.

During the course of the season you will have to put up with a lot of ‘bitching' and snide remarks from inside and outside your club. The game has built in the fact if your results are good the ‘bitching' comes from outside and if they are poor it comes from inside. If you are mediocre it will come from both.

If you decide to build your club through Youth Development the results will take longer to come and there is always the hazard of players going to University, discovering women, drink, drugs or all three! Then there is the nastiest hazard of all when you have spent all that time and effort carefully nurturing a young cricketer when he is poached by another team with an offer of payment. However because you are bringing more players through and they are getting their opportunities the chances of long term success are greater.

If you decide to build your club through by paying ex-overseas players and local mercenaries the pressure on you from the committee to produce results is much greater and comes to you much quicker. Because you assessed your team needed these players you quickly realise that the rest of the team cannot be trusted to bowl too much or bat too high up the order. To get the best out of your paid players you hope that they can keep winning matches on their own because that is what you are paying them to do. By and large this is what they do but the game has computed that this approach carries hazards too. The rest of your squad is happy they are winning matches but don't have a lot to do. Young players in particular seemed happy at first they were getting good coaching from experienced overseas players but are quickly realising they are learning nothing from playing in the seconds and doing nothing when they are playing in the firsts. They start to drift away towards the clubs with Youth development or drink, drugs, women or all three. You resolve to address the problem next season when all of a sudden one or more of your paid players announce they are leaving to go to another club as they were impressed by their Youth structure, or it's closer to home, more chance of winning a trophy, my wife has moved jobs, family reasons etc and it is only coincidental they offered me more money.

If you choose to play the North West version then the aspirations of your club depends on which team you pick. If you are Brigade, Limavady or Donemana then only winning the league counts as a successful season, winning a cup will produce a stay of execution and winning nothing will get you the sack. Playing as any other side means success might be a cup or top half finish or avoiding relegation.

If you play the NCU version then if you are North Down or Waringstown then only winning the league counts as a successful season. Should you fail to win the league then you might get a stay of execution if someone other than North Down or Waringstown win it but this is highly unlikely. You also might get a stay of execution if you win the cup particularly if you beat North Down or Waringstown whilst winning it. Anything else gets you the sack. If you pick any other side in the NCU success is counted by avoiding relegation under two up and two down and hoping you might get a cup run before you draw North Down or Waringstown. However due to the daft NCU regulations you could get lucky by winning a cup in the event of North Down and Waringstown perishing along the way in a bowl out. Win or lose one thing you can guarantee is you will be criticised!

Come to think of it the game doesn't sound a lot of fun.

'Santa, if it's not too late to change my letter could you make me able to bat like Ricky Ponting or bowl like Shane Warne?'

'Santa'!!..'Santa!!!!.. SANTA WHERE ARE YOU?'

To all the readers of the Blog I will take this opportunity to wish you all Merry Christmas and a Happy and Peaceful New Year. To Reggie, yes I'm still taking the tablets and to Michael, no I'm not watching Glenavon.