The start times for this weekend's fixtures were changed more often than Brian Cowan's excuses for ruining the economy. The Hills v Merrion was originally supposed to be a 1 p.m. start, then was changed to 11 a.m. to accommodate the Heineken Cup Final, then changed back to 1 p.m. to accommodate the wet weather on Friday.

I pitched up at Milverton at what I thought would be fifteen minutes late to discover that I was an hour and three quarters early! This gave me the opportunity to wolf two of Eimear Kitteringham's scones, one with strawberry and cream, the other with raspberry and cream. Sated, I waited. A flurry of rain around one meant that a 47 over match started at 1:55 p.m.

Merrion won the toss and inserted The Hills. Matt Petrie bowled at a decent pace, but didn't really threaten the stumps, and it was Angus Fleming's trundle at the other end that bore fruit, courtesy of poor shots by Jeremy Bray and Patrick Byrne, both caught by Jeff Short. The first, running back at mid off, was very well judged; the second was a dolly to mid on.

From 17-2 in the sixth over, the score was slowly advanced by Mike Baumgart and Max Sorensen. Matt Petrie finally got his outswinger in the right place, but John Anderson dropped Sorensen's nick as it flew to his left at second slip. That would have been 30-3 in the 11th over. There was no success until Keaveney replaced Petrie and on 46 got Baumgart (23) to nick off in the 19th over.

The Anzac stood there whistling Dixie , but somebody had hit it, and he was the only guy in the vicinity with a bat in hand, so he had to go down for it. Albert van der Merwe came in and nurdled the ball around as his compatriot grew more confident and began to play a few big shots.

Having just reached his fifty (three fours, two sixes), Sorensen skied a Lavange dibbly-dobbly to Gus Fleming to make it 99-4 in the 30th over. Imran ul-Haq played a couple of nice shots before missing Patel's straight one on 18 – 126-5 in the 30th over.

The final 14 overs were a bit frantic: Mark Dwyer should have been run out without scoring, but holed out off Anderson 's leggies; Michael O'Herlihy kicked one off middle; Malcolm Byrne perished to a swing and a miss; as did Luke Clinton, both off Anderson . In between, van der Merwe had hit a couple of big sixes, one into the rookery and the other into Joey Archer's field.

The innings closed on 179-9, Albert one short of his fifty. Lavange took 1/29 off 10 overs, Patel 2/29 off 9, and Anderson 3/36 off 8. Petrie was disappointing with his return of 0/35 off 10, but not as disappointed as The Hills, who were 50 short of a decent score on a good wicket. But, as it transpired, it didn't matter.

The Merrion response reminded me of a Jake Thackray song, one in which the North Riding balladeer wasn't at his most witty or risqué but instead at his most poignant. He laments the death of the imbecile shepherdess Molly Metcalfe, using as a beat for the sands of time the ancient counting cant of Swaledale.

'Yan, tian, tether, mether, pip, aysar, saysar, ackar, contar, dick, yanadick, tianadick, tetheradick, metheradick, bumfit, yanabum, tianabum, tetherabum, metherabum, jigit.' Having counted the first twenty of his sheep, the shepherd would put a stone into his pocket and start again, 'Yan, tian, tether, . . .'

I can't vouch for my spelling: all I'm trying to do is to render a phonetic version of whatever dialect of Medieval Brythonic or Welsh was spoken in what is now North Yorkshire . Few, if any, shepherds would have been able to write, let alone spell. But they could have been in the middle of a bog, because they wouldn't have needed any stones to count the Merrion batsmen's contributions, nor their partnerships.

Max Sorensen's opening burst was brisk and straight. Dom Joyce shuffled across his stumps to be lbw – for tian, partnership pip. John Anderson was lbw to one that looked too high – for aysar, partnership ackar. Kade Beasley played back when he should have played forward and missed – tether, contar. Lavange just missed – tetheradick, yanadick.

Max now had a rest and van der Merwe took over with his gentle off-breaks, but the sheep still went to their slaughter. Damian Poder was stumped – contar, yanadick. Jeff Short slogged to mid on – tianadick, contar. On the same score Gus Fleming just surrendered to a straight one. Matt Petrie slogged to mid wicket – aysar, pip.

Patel's response to the return of Sorensen was to retreat to square leg to give Max a better view of the stumps. It was now 59-9, and hard as Sorensen tried to convert his Michelle Five-for into a Birmingham Six-for, 'Kiwi' Keaveney and 'Sum' Wijesundra had little difficulty in keeping him out. His ten overs bowled, Sorensen had to content himself with 5/31.

van der Merwe finally trapped 'Kiwi' lbw for a brave tether out of a last wicket stand of metherabum, one short of the first stone of the evening. The South African's figures were 9.3-5-7-5. 'Sum' remained defiant with an unbeaten dick.

I had specifically queried the Handbook's published start time for the Dublin Grass Machinery 45 over semi finals. No, it's definitely one o'clock, my umpiring source confirmed. So I enjoyed at leisure my brunch of lamb chops in onions and gravy on a feed of spuds. When I arrived in Sydney Parade at 12:20, Leinster were in the third over of their innings against Pembroke, having won the toss and elected to bat.

Mark Jones and Craig Mallon had started slowly, but Jonesey in particular started to crank up the pace with some fine drives and the odd pull. Pembroke's cause wasn't helped when Alan Eastwood had to retire after four overs with abdominal pains. Bill Whaley remained tidy, but brother Emmett was anything but, so he removed himself and his sibling to be replaced by Anthony Brooks's straightbreaks and Andy Leonard's leggies.

Mallon had watched Jonesey crash the leggie around, but on 69 tamely prodded him to slip for 15 in the 16th over. Next over Jonesey got a straight rat for an impressive 49 out of 73. Carlos Braithwaite and Anton Scholtz took some time to realise that the 'Broke's bowling really wasn't very good, and started to milk it with well-placed drives (Scholtz) and long-handle hits (Braithwaite).

The score had reached 201 in the 34th over when the tall Bajan got too far underneath a lofted drive and hit it staight down Andrew Balbirnie's throat on the long-on boundary; his 63 contained seven fours and four sixes (three lost in the gardens). Scholtz had survived a stumping chance on 46, and eventually succumbed to keeper Lawson off Balbirnie for 73 out of 220. It took us a while to cotton on to the fact that both umpires had their digit up, so he was caught, not stumped.

That was 220-4 in the 37th over, and thereafter the Leinster batsmen put it about and scampered up and down to no great effect to reach an all out total of 265 in 44.3 overs. Andrew Balbirnie bowled a good spell at the death, taking 4/39 off his 9 overs, and Alan Eastwood bravely returned to take 2/40 off 8. Why didn't Bill Whaley bowl his last three? His first six had cost only 17.

Pembroke, missing Graham McDonnell, needed all of their top guns to fire, but Carlos Braithwaite was a handful, finding pace and bounce from the Sydney Parade end. He forced Brian O'Rourke to play on, then produced a Jaffa to bowl Balbirnie.

There wasn't really any way back from 12-2, but Anthony Brooks batted beautifully for an hour, working the ball off his legs and placing his drives expertly. He took on George Dockrell, hit the slow left-armer out of the attack, and was giving the 'Broke a glimmer of hope. Leinster skipper Anton Scholtz brought himself on to see if Brooks knew how to play darts as well as throw them himself.

Brooks hit a half-tracker firmly towards Mark Jones standing close to the square leg rope. Jonesey took the ball two-handed high above his head and completed the catch with his left foot well inside the rope and his right toe just inside the rope and heel raised above it. The thirty or so people with a perfect view (including me) congratulated Jonesey on a fine catch.

A rugby player, returning from a match on the seconds' pitch, shouted that he saw the rope move as Jonesey took the catch. Yes, and the statue at Ballinspittle moved too! Lots of people saw that! A few Pembroke connections started to question the dismissal, but, quite correctly, it stood. Brooks was out for 45, Pembroke were 80-3 and, in the words of John Hoey, gates.

Brooks apparently had a word with umpire John Andrews afterwards, saying that he should have got the benefit of the doubt. Rendering Anders-speak into words even an Aussie could understand, there wasn't any doubt and, anyway, the ball should have been hiding in the bushes along with the three that his oppo pro had deposited there.

Now Hugh McDonnell put the game to bed by trapping Theo Lawson lbw for a competent 19, then Robert Garth the same way for a duck, and it was 80-5. Barry McCarthy and Dixon Butler compiled a gutsy and rapid 35, but Braithwaite returned to bowl Butler for 13 and then have McCarthy obscenely lbw for 23.

He then completed his Michelle by inducing Emmett Whaley to edge the ball to Speed Bump O'Herlihy (so-called because he slows the ball down rather than stops it!). Anton Scholtz nipped in for two bunnies as Pembroke were all out for 133 in 36.1 overs. Braithwaite returned 5/23 off nine overs, Scholtz 3/24 off 5.1, and McDonnell 2/17 off six overs of left-arm trundle. Chris Byrnes's 0/19 off seven overs of brisk, straight, medium pace is also worth a mention.

Leinster now meet Railway Union in the final of the Dublin Grass Machinery League on Saturday week at Malahide on Saturday week. The rugby match I mentioned was a friendly with a visiting Italian team. Sharon Molins told one of the Italians in her best Spanish that she was a señorita. The poor man was used to lies, damned lies and Silvio Berlusconi, but this was too much for him. As I drove home I noticed him standing outside the ground, dazed, clinging on to a bus stop.