Saturday was the first round proper of the Bob Kerr Irish Senior Cup. All ties in Dublin were played, including two switched from the North. I chose my match wisely, the one that turned out to be the closest contest, between Malahide and last year's finalists Donemana.

Dwayne McGarrigle won the toss and elected to bat. Shane Getkate and the new Malahide pro, Matt Daykin, bowled in good areas, Getkate trimming Dale Olphert's off stump with one that left him. 21-1 for one should have been 36-3, but Steven Smith and Jim Govan showed they'd have no problems visiting Mexico – they couldn't catch anything!

On 43 the reprieve of Graham Boyd proved temporary, as he was well taken at backward point by John Pryor off Peter Saville's bowling for 15. Richard Kee didn't last long, running himself out with the score at 57. Azhar Shaffique's second chance proved game-changing, as he built his innings in company with Junior McBrine.

The pair cut and drove the occasional loose delivery from a tidy septet of Village bowlers, only Callum Riches and Phil Markey posing no problems with their medium pacers. Shaffique had passed fifty and reached 62 when Steven Smith induced a return catch from him. 113-4 became 119-6 as Junior was excellently taken at point by Pryor off Smith for 16, and skipper McGarrigle nicked one behind, also off Smith, for a duck.

James McBrine and nephew Richard added 19 more runs before both fell to Jimmy Govan's off-breaks, James lbw for 15 and Richard caught and bowled nine runs later for 10. Jordy McGonigle was another lbw victim for Govan, and 'the Dock' was bowled by Getkate as Donemana were all out for 165 after 46 overs.

Getkate took 2/30 and Daykin 0/19, each off 7 overs. Smith bowled his 10 overs and took 3/45, conceding three straight sixes to Shaffique and James McBrine. Jimmy Govan allowed no such liberties, returning 3/14 off his 10. There were 17 wides and two leg byes in a total that was 30 runs short of a real challenge.

Malahide quickly lost Nick Turner, lbw to McGarrigle, but Fintan McAllister and Matt Daykin were comfortable against McGarrigle, Steven Dunn and James McBrine. As ever, Junior was a different proposition. Finto chased an arm ball and was expertly snaffled by James at slip for 13. Daykin nicked an orthodox spinner to 'the Dock' for 27, and although he protested his innocence, it was 50-3.

Shaffique now made a second game-changing contribution, removing Pryor courtesy of another smart slip catch, this time by Junior, Govan, bowled, and Getkate, caught behind. It was going to be a long haul back from 66-6, and an even longer one from 79-7 after the Donemana pro got his Guildford Four-for by bowling Markey.

Worse followed as Adam Coughlan holed out to Graham Boyd off Jordy McGonigle, but Callum Riches and Peter Saville batted competently to take the score from 94-8 up towards 150. However, as the winning post neared, they froze, allowing the run rate to rise, and they needed 21 off the last three overs.

The long handle was produced, but to no avail, as first Peter Saville (24) an then Callum Riches (43) found Dwayne McGarrigle's buckets in the deep, and the Villagers were all out for 148, 17 runs short. Donemana bowled only 5 wides, so the difference really was these and a few singles not taken.

James McBrine bowled his 10 overs for 28, Junior took 2/17 off his ten, Shaffique 4/38 and Jordy 3/28. Shaffique was presented with a bottle of champagne for his Man of the Match efforts, and promptly gave it to the rest of the team. I've been trying to find out the name of the cocktail that is vodka, coke and champers – a Joe Stalin Fizz? - a Gulag Glug?

Not a drop passed my lips as I drove home, at least not until Otto the Auto-pilot took the car up Observatory Lane as I motored along the Rathmines Road. I enjoyed my couple of scoops with the Foxies, well-beaten by Leinster. Only North Down and Donemana went home happy and, although worthy winners both, they weren't without their squeaky underwear moments.

Sunday was back to the DGM league stage, and back to the abysmal behaviour that is deemed 'acceptable' by the Leinster Cricket Union. The first ball of the Railway Union innings against Clontarf saw the batsman past the stumps at the bowler's end as he took a quick single before the throw hit the wicket. 'Howzat' went the chorus – howzat for what? Because he didn't say 'In!'?

The umpires said nothing, but did intervene a little later when Clontarf pro Rod Hokin 'simulated' picking up the ball and throwing in, in a vain effort to prevent an easy two. Why? If the players want to indulge in such juvenilia and their clubs are happy to condone such schoolboy pranks, why should the umpires bother their pretty little btms?

Tom Fisher had made a lively 14 out of 22 when Bill Coghlan called for a helmet before he would stand up to Joe Morrissey. I suppose the breeze was quite cool, but I can't think of any other reason for covering the head. Or was Bill in purdah? Fisher wafted at the next ball, which Bill promptly dropped, but two balls later another waft found Richard Reid lurking at mid on.

Conor Mullen set about the Clontarf bowling, and he and Kenny Carroll raised the century before Mully (38) edged Keith Spellman, the self-styled Sheikh of Tweak, to the once again bare-headed Coghlan, still behind the stumps, and this time it stuck. Mohammed Tariq played a couple of nice shots before falling lbw to Spellman for 16 with the score on 139.

Five runs later, having just reached his half-century, Kenny Carroll was found loitering without intent in front of middle stump, and Vijay Gopal followed up this wicket with that of the Railway pro, Magnum Nanan, caught by Nakka. It can't be one of the Nutgrove Nakkas, because they were all sleeping as I drove past on my way across town, so he must be one of the Darndale Nakkas.

Saad Ullah failed to recognise another Spellers straight one, but umpire McGeehan saw it allright. Hugo Moys gave Rod Hokin a return catch, and it was 179-7. Mr. Kapoor (of no. 42?) made a merry 26 to take the score past 200, and Railway closed on 211/9 off their 45 overs, with 27 extras, 19 of them wides. Joe Morrissey took 2/19 off 7, Rod Hokin 2/47 off 9, Spellers 2/48 off 9 and Vijay Gopal 2/32 off 7.

Clontarf openers Dom Rigby and Bill Coghlan batted beautifully for 25 overs, Dom passing fifty and reaching 70 before missing a thinly disguised straight one from Greg Lambert with the score on 105. 107 more off another 19 overs with nine wickets in hand should have been a doddle, but Gopal immediately ran himself out.

Then Coghlan was well caught by Nanan off his own bowling for 39, and Rod Hokin, unable to hit the ball out of his way, was mercifully caught behind off Tariq. That was 140-4, and the rest of the innnings comprised Joe Morrissey taking runs at will as a succession of incompetents perished at the other end.

With 44 overs bowled, Clontarf needed 16 to win off the last over, to be bowled by Saad Ullah, JoMo on srtike with the short leg-side boundary at his mercy and 'Stretch' Ryan, one of nature's no. 12s, non-striker. Three swings yielded two easy singles, both refused, then a slog square into the pavilion followed by a straight drive for another six.

The final ball was a swish and miss, dribbled out on the off side, a single was taken, and Morrissey, on 56*, salvaged some honour from a two run defeat. For Railway, Nanan took 2/53 off 9, Tariq 3/28, and second team skipper Lambert a very worthy 1/32.

For heaven's sake, can we put this early season slog into the broom cupboard of history, get everybody's good players back from the equally irrelevant Friends Provident, and play some proper cricket? Saturday's match was as good as Sunday's was bad. Why? Because it mattered!